Facing Fears

“Baba Toshi na Mimi Tunaenda Mjini”
(Tarehe kumi na sita Mei)

            I wake up late at saa tatu kasarobo (8:45am)—yes, late here—tired from my safari (journey). My new family has a breakfast waiting of fried egg, homemade bread with butter and guava jam (awesome), and instant coffee. After eating, I wander around the yard asking questions because there is just so much to be curious about. For example, they have a large garden with migomba (banana trees) with beans growing under them, so the nitrogen helps the trees grow (panorama picture in the last post). There’s a mango tree, too, and eggplant and hot peppers also being grown. I write everything down. The birds, bugs, and lizards are ones I’ve never seen before either. My senses are on hyperdrive. I feel like an mtoto mdogo (little child).

            In the afternoon, Baba Toshi and I make a list of the things I need and prepare to go mjini (into town). We walk to the end of the barabara (road/street) with the dirt beneath our shoes and take a daladala (small bus). It looks like a small white van with many people and even less handholds inside. The daladala sees us wave, and zooms to the side of the highway where we are waiting in the shade. Two men hop out even before the bus stops. They open the sliding door, and we hop in. I can tell people are looking curiously because I am mzungu, a white person. I don’t have any Tanzanian shillings yet, so Baba pays the fare of 400Tsh each ($0.25). That soon changes, as I exchange American money for my new currency—and it looks way cooler. The exchange rate is $1 = ~1600Tsh.

            We walk into the Vodacom store so I can buy a SIM card for a phone I already was given, and a broadband modem for my computer. Thank God Baba is there to negotiate for me. Even in a retail store, the woman behind the counter wanted to charge me three times as much for the SIM card and pay-as-you-go subscription, and I hear the word mzungu. I give her $1000Tsh, the real price for the items. The modem and monthly subscription for internet costs 50,000Tsh, a lot of money. This is the “real” price, too. I am clearly already on guard against getting hustled because this was a fear I had initially. We go to get my SIM card registered and activated by an agent—there are many on the street, sitting at little carts with red umbrellas. As before, the man wanted to charge me much more than others. He offers 5000Tsh. I say “Mimi si mtalii, mimi ni mwanafunzi,” meaning I am not a tourist, I’m a student. Maybe it was unexpected, or maybe too polite, but there is some laughter. I shake my head when he tells Baba I am mzungu again. I pay 1000Tsh because of Baba’s help.

            Perhaps the discrimination is a way of life here; the tourist business is huge, and white folks represent wealth. I will say it makes sense on some level. But it bugs me. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I always have. I could deal with it kama watu (if people) simply looked at me funny; however, the treatment by strangers has made me feel unwelcome. I see a white couple walking down the street. I see how badly I stick out. “But we’re all humans,” I think, “who cares about skin color?” Someday, I want “we” and not “us and them.” Maybe with time.

            This trip will be a good lesson in living among those who are not necessarily receptive to help, especially from me. Obviously, there are many that are! Tanzania is full of polite, curious, and kind people. But, if I only interact with one group, I will not grow. Fear is what I have—fear of the unknown. And fear is more common than it seems, but we live in a culture where it must be suppressed and boldness is what impresses the most. Fear, though, is a powerful emotion; after all, it gives the hormonal rush for survival—“fight or flight.” It can either distort our behavior, or act a catalyst for change.

            I’m afraid of the unknown here. But no one goes into every venture knowing everything. If I spend all my time studying and preparing, I’ll never start that venture, I’ll never grow. As Mark Twain wittingly said:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

            I have begun my journey in Tanzania.

 Safari (journey).

Mji (town) wa Moshi.