"Fears Revisited"
If there’s one thing that I’ve done a lot of in Zanzibar, it’s think about the future. I realize that in Tanzania, I’ve come up with more questions about my life and my future than I’ve answered here. The fact of the matter is, I never thought that would be the case. I figured I’d return home with a new sense of who I was, knowing exactly what I wanted the next step to be. “I want to work at this type of nonprofit after this next degree in nutrition. Check. Okay, what’s next?” Before I left, I even told those who asked about my future plans ‘after this summer, it’ll all come together.’ Nice; I had it down! In reality, that great epiphany I had imagined hasn’t happened to me yet—not one that I really feel all the way down to my bones. I’ve just come up with questions that make my head hurt.
During this reflection, I realize that all my unanswered questions actually stem from fears that I have. I write them down in my journal. Maybe this will help me feel better, I think.
“
- I won’t actually help anybody sustainably. It takes a lot to really change outcomes or the course of a life for another.
- I’m not sure which field I want to be a part of: nutrition or education.
- If I decide to move around—Tanzania, England, Teach for America, Peace Corps—I will be alone in my travels (friends, family).
”
There are, of course, more, but they are generally centered around these three. I put down my journal and pick up my book Start Something That Matters, written by the founder of TOMS shoes, Blake Mycoskie. It’s passionate and insightful. I come upon these three questions in one of the chapters:
- If you didn’t have to worry about money, what would you do with your time?
- What kind of work would you want to do?
- What cause would you serve?
I sit back and think about a similar conversation that I had last year: my good friend Daniel Wu and I were talking in the living room about entrepreneurship. He said that he’d read an article about an Indian man who started an eye care system. Before the venture, the man had barely any money or resources, and even less education in business, but knew he wanted to help those crippled by blindness (it was prevalent in India as a whole). Decades later, his hospital network is an extreme success: despite his death, the clinic treats millions of patients every year, and he had previously trained countless numbers of ophthalmologists who went on to treat even more patients. Thus, his impact has been estimated to include about 40% of the world’s eye care patients in one way or another. (*Google: Dr. Govindappa Venkataswamy or “Infinite Vision”)
To his success, it’s been cited that Dr. V had a North Star; a goal; a guiding light by which to navigate. And that was the single most important piece that held all the other pieces together.
To me, this story has been invaluable (Thanks, Wu). In times of uncertainty, I think that despite all the question marks I may have about what I’ll be doing and where I’ll be going in the future, it’s okay. Here there is a distinct divergence between roads of passivity and trust. For now, I have to walk that road of trusting myself. I have a North Star of helping others; it’s all I can ask for at present.
Ask yourself: what are your fears? About your career, where you are going, your happiness? I know a lot my friends are thinking about this—it’s the age where it really starts. Friends, write your fears down. Yes, honestly, it sucks to do so, because it’s kind of like facing them. But write your fears down, then answer those questions from the TOMS book above.
Check it out and see if it helps. Maybe then you will find, or redefine, your North Star.
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